whenever you try to fall asleep during hot summer nights
WAKE UP AMERICA.
THESE ARE ‘WAFFLE FRIES’
THESE ARE POTATO WAFFLES
YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON POTATO WAFFLES AS WELL AS FREE HEALTH SERVICE AND ME. I PITY YOU.
how can lawyers argue without crying
if i went into a courtroom i’d be all
now you fucking listen here you little cumslut
"he has been found guilty”
"HA IN YOUR FUCKING FACES, BITCHES."
ALRIGHT SO IT’S 2:30 IN THE MORNING AND I WAS JUST ABOUT TO FALL ASLEEP AND THEN I SAT UP AND ALMOST SCREAMED BECAUSE I WAS STRUCK WITH REALIZATION AND I DISCOVERED THE ULTIMATE TRUTH OF THE UNIVERSE
TELETUBBIES ARE CALLED TELETUBBIES BECAUSE THEY HAVE TELEVISIONS IN THEIR STOMACHS
when he doesn’t love you anymore when you’re no longer young and beautiful
livin a life of constantly being a little bit sleepy and mildly turned on
wow you have very nice looking hands…… i bet they would look even better wrapped up in mine…..
or around my dick
or clasped together in prayer askin god to help you see the error of your ways
[job interviewer voice] we found naked pictures of you during a quick google search for your name and we wish to inform you…… that your bod is slammin’ 10/10 you’re hired see you monday